Love as an Ideal: Is True Love a Myth?

 

Love—an emotion so universally sought, yet so deeply misunderstood—has fascinated poets, philosophers, psychologists, and storytellers for centuries. It is often depicted as the ultimate human experience, the soul's yearning for union with another, a force that transcends logic, time, and even mortality. But in a world increasingly shaped by instant gratification, digital connections, and evolving relationship paradigms, a compelling question emerges: Is true love merely an unattainable ideal—a myth we tell ourselves to find meaning in emotional chaos?

This essay explores the construct of true love through historical, psychological, philosophical, and sociocultural lenses, questioning whether such a phenomenon genuinely exists or whether it remains an ever-elusive ideal that modernity has rendered obsolete.

 

I. The Origins of the Ideal of True Love

The concept of “true love” finds its earliest expressions in mythology, religious texts, and medieval literature. In Greek mythology, Plato’s Symposium presents love (Eros) as a striving for wholeness, where two halves seek reunion after being split apart by the gods. Similarly, in Hindu philosophy, Radha and Krishna’s love represents a divine union beyond the material, symbolizing spiritual elevation rather than mere romantic attachment.

Medieval romanticism carried this ideal further. The notion of courtly love, often celebrated in European chivalric romances, emphasized an unattainable, often adulterous love, worshipped from afar. It was more about aspiration and reverence than fulfillment—a love that elevates the beloved to an idealized pedestal.

Thus, from its inception, the ideal of true love has been more metaphor than manifest reality—a symbol of longing, spiritual ascension, or moral struggle. Rarely was it about the mundane, everyday companionship we associate with long-term relationships today.

 

II. Love vs. Idealization: Psychological Interpretations

From a psychological perspective, “true love” often suffers from being conflated with “idealized love.” Psychoanalyst Carl Jung spoke of anima and animus—the unconscious feminine and masculine images within us that we often project onto others. When we fall in love, we may be responding not to the person themselves, but to the ideal they represent in our psyche.

This tendency is seen in early-stage relationships, where infatuation clouds judgment and the partner appears flawless. Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love distinguishes between passion, intimacy, and commitment, suggesting that what we term “true love” is a rare blend of all three. But over time, passion may fade, intimacy may waver, and commitment may falter.

In this framework, true love is not a myth, but a statistical rarity. It demands emotional maturity, mutual respect, shared purpose, and a willingness to grow together through adversity—traits that don’t arise naturally but must be cultivated.

 

III. Love in the Age of Tinder: The Modern Dilemma

In the 21st century, love has become more accessible yet more elusive. Dating apps have transformed romantic relationships into algorithmic transactions. The paradox of choice—coined by psychologist Barry Schwartz—suggests that too many options lead to dissatisfaction. When a swipe can offer new excitement, why invest in resolving conflicts or deepening commitment?

Moreover, love is increasingly entangled with performative culture. Social media platforms amplify curated versions of relationships, where likes and comments validate affection. The messiness, boredom, or arguments that define real-life love rarely appear in these narratives. As a result, many young people chase the aesthetic of love rather than its essence.

In such a landscape, the question isn't just whether true love exists—but whether people are willing to do the inner work required to sustain it. The myth is not that love exists, but that it should be effortless.

 

IV. Philosophical Reflections: Existential Love and Freedom

Existentialist thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir contended that love is not about merging into one entity but recognizing the other as free and distinct. Sartre warned of "bad faith"—when one loses themselves in a relationship, leading to dependency rather than love.

De Beauvoir, in The Second Sex, critiqued traditional romantic ideals that expected women to find purpose solely in being loved. Instead, she envisioned love as a “meeting between two freedoms,” where partners grow without possessing or diminishing each other.

Thus, true love, in its most philosophical sense, is not myth but mutual transcendence—a bond that respects freedom, nurtures authenticity, and grows through shared responsibility.

 

V. Real-Life Examples: Stories that Challenge and Affirm the Myth

While fairy tales have shaped our notions of love, real-life stories often offer richer insights.

1. Ruth and Marty Ginsburg

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the late U.S. Supreme Court Justice, often spoke about her husband Marty’s unwavering support. Despite her demanding career, Marty celebrated her success and shared domestic duties long before such things were expected of men. Their love was rooted not in fantasy, but in mutual respect, laughter, and resilience—a rare embodiment of true love in action.

2. John and Abigail Adams

The letters exchanged between John Adams, the second U.S. president, and his wife Abigail during his long absences reveal a relationship marked by intellectual companionship, mutual admiration, and sacrifice. Their correspondence offers historical proof that love can endure time, distance, and hardship.

3. Common Couples in Crisis

Even among ordinary people, examples abound of couples who navigate chronic illness, financial hardship, and grief with grace and solidarity. These unsung stories—of holding hands in hospital corridors, forgiving infidelities, or rebuilding after betrayal—may not look like movie romances, but they carry a quiet authenticity often missing from our cultural imagination.

 

True Love in Eastern Thought: Detachment and Compassion

Interestingly, in Buddhist and Hindu traditions, true love is not about possession but compassion and detachment. The Bhagavad Gita teaches that one must love without attachment to outcome—a love that seeks the beloved’s well-being, not personal gain.

Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh spoke of “true love” as comprising four elements: loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. He emphasized that to truly love someone, you must understand their suffering and contribute to their happiness—an ideal grounded not in passion but in mindfulness.

Such conceptions of love shift the goal from eternal romance to conscious presence. Perhaps this is what modern relationships are missing—not love itself, but its spiritual foundation.

 

Relevance in Present Context: The Need for Love Reimagined

In today’s fragmented world—marked by climate anxiety, political polarization, and digital disconnection—people yearn for genuine connection. Mental health crises, rising loneliness, and the “epidemic of meaninglessness” reported among Gen Z signal a profound spiritual void.

True love—when understood not as fairy-tale perfection but as deep connection, mutual growth, and radical acceptance—can act as an antidote to this disconnection. It offers not escape, but anchoring. Not fantasy, but faith. Love, in this sense, becomes a revolutionary act: a defiance against isolation, a bridge across difference, a commitment to shared humanity.

 

Is True Love a Myth? A Synthesis

So, is true love a myth?

Yes, if we define it by unrealistic romantic ideals fed by literature, media, and childhood fantasies. No, if we see it as a hard-earned, emotionally intelligent, and spiritually awake partnership.

True love is not what we fall into—it is what we build, lose, and rebuild again. It is not effortless—it is deliberate. It is not always poetic—but it is often profound.

True love is not the absence of conflict but the ability to navigate it with care. It is not unconditional acceptance of flaws but a belief in mutual transformation. It is not myth—but it is magic—when it happens.

Indian Mythological and Cultural Examples of “True Love”

1. Shiva and Parvati: The Symbol of Cosmic Balance and Spiritual Love

In Hindu mythology, Shiva and Parvati represent the union of masculine and feminine energies—Purusha and Prakriti. Their relationship is often seen as ideal love not just because of romantic affection but because it integrates asceticism with domesticity, power with devotion, and freedom with interdependence. After Sati's self-immolation, Shiva retreats into mourning, showing deep emotional fidelity. Parvati’s long penance to win his love again underscores true love as a journey of patience, growth, and inner transformation.

 

2. Radha and Krishna: Love Beyond Convention

Radha-Krishna's relationship defies the norms of marital love, as Radha is not Krishna’s wife. Yet their bond is eternal in the spiritual sense, symbolizing the soul’s longing for the divine. Their love is revered in the Bhakti tradition as the epitome of devotional and selfless love, where the boundaries between earthly passion and spiritual yearning blur. Radha’s love for Krishna is not possessive; it is pure, transcendental, and accepting of impermanence, teaching that true love can exist even without ownership or lifelong togetherness.

3. Savitri and Satyavan: Love That Conquers Death

The story of Savitri, who defied Yama (the god of death) and brought her husband Satyavan back to life through her intellect, devotion, and unwavering will, is a classical example from the Mahabharata. This tale portrays true love as courageous, rational, and resolute—not just emotional. Savitri’s role breaks the stereotype of passive devotion, showing that love is an active, resilient force that can challenge even divine decree. 

4. Nala and Damayanti: Love Through Separation and Reunion

In another tale from the Mahabharata, Damayanti, a princess, chooses Nala, a noble king, in a swayamvar. Their love is tested by fate, gambling, separation, and madness. Despite hardships, both remain loyal and ultimately reunite, symbolizing true love as steadfast loyalty through trials of ego, fate, and suffering. This story reflects that even flawed humans can experience divine-like love, not by avoiding crisis but by enduring and growing through it.

5. Meera Bai and Lord Krishna: Devotional Love Beyond Worldly Norms

Meera Bai, the 16th-century mystic poet, saw Krishna not as a deity alone but as her eternal beloved. Her love defied societal norms—she abandoned wealth, status, and even her marriage to pursue divine union. Her songs express ecstatic union and painful longing, representing true love as surrender, faith, and divine madness. Meera’s tale redefines love as not dependent on reciprocity; it's a one-sided flame that transforms the self.

6. Indian Historical Example: Rani Padmini and Rawal Ratan Singh

Although historically contested, the story from Padmavat narrates how Rani Padmini chose death by jauhar rather than submission to Alauddin Khilji, to preserve love and honor. While tragic and controversial, the story became a symbol of love as resistance, loyalty, and self-sacrifice, deeply rooted in Rajput honor culture.

7. Contemporary Cultural Example: Irrfan Khan and Sutapa Sikdar

Actor Irrfan Khan and his wife Sutapa Sikdar are remembered for their deeply supportive and equal partnership. Sutapa stood by him during his battle with cancer, showing that true love is found in care, companionship, and shared resilience in adversity. Their bond reflects modern ideals of partnership rooted in intellectual respect, shared purpose, and unromantic but profound commitment.

8. Amrita Pritam and Sahir Ludhianvi / Imroz: Unconventional Bonds

Poet Amrita Pritam loved Sahir Ludhianvi, but he never reciprocated fully. Yet, her platonic, emotional intimacy with artist Imroz, who lived with her for 40 years, showed a different version of true love—quiet, undemanding, and artistic. This triangle illustrates that love takes many shapes—unfulfilled longing, unconsummated intimacy, and silent companionship. (https://homegrown.co.in/homegrown-voices/amrita-sahir-imroz-literatures-greatest-love-triangle-took-place-outside-its-pages) 

Rekindling the Flame of Real Love

In a society that often confuses love with possession, passion with permanence, and validation with connection, we must return to love not as an escape but as an engagement—with ourselves, our partners, and the world. Whether in a lifelong partnership, a brief encounter that changes us, or a parent-child bond that defines us—true love is not the domain of fairy tales but of the human heart’s highest potential.

It is time to replace the myth of effortless romance with the truth of effortful love. In doing so, we don’t diminish love—we dignify it.

Let love not be a myth we chase, but a reality we co-create—one patient conversation, one sacrifice, and one act of understanding at a time.

Love in Indian Cinema and Contemporary Life: Fact Meets Fiction

Indian cinema, especially Bollywood, has played a pivotal role in shaping cultural perceptions of love. From poetic tragedies to contemporary romances, Indian films often romanticize “true love” as destiny, sacrifice, or soul-deep connection. But does this cinematic portrayal align with reality—or does it perpetuate unattainable ideals?

Here we explore iconic Indian films and real-life love stories that either affirm or challenge the idea of true love in today’s world.

🎬 Iconic Indian Films That Shaped the Ideal of True Love

1. Veer-Zaara (2004) – Love Beyond Borders and Time: In this Yash Chopra classic, an Indian man (Veer) and a Pakistani woman (Zaara) fall in love but are separated by borders, politics, and time. Veer sacrifices his freedom, spending 22 years in a Pakistani jail rather than dishonoring Zaara’s life. It shows- True love as sacrifice, patience, and spiritual fidelity—love that waits without expectations.

2. Tamasha (2015) – Self-Discovery and Love:  Ranbir Kapoor’s character struggles with his inner identity, and Deepika Padukone’s character loves him enough to let him go until he rediscovers himself. True love is not about changing the other but helping them become their authentic self—love as growth, not possession.

3. The Lunchbox (2013) – Silent Love Between Strangers: A mistaken lunchbox delivery connects two lonely people (played by Irrfan Khan and Nimrat Kaur) through handwritten letters. Their bond remains unfulfilled in the traditional sense but is emotionally transformative. It tell us about Emotional intimacy can be true love, even without physical closeness or romantic fulfillment.

4. Sairat (2016) – Young Love vs Social Boundaries: This Marathi film follows a Dalit boy and an upper-caste girl who elope to escape caste-based violence. Their story ends in tragedy.True love may exist, but society’s harsh structures often crush it. The myth isn’t love—it’s believing love alone can conquer social realities.

5. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995) – Romantic Idealism: Raj and Simran’s love story set the template for modern Indian romantic ideals. While DDLJ glorified love against odds, it also romanticized patriarchal gatekeeping—Simran could only marry Raj if her father approved. It also  shows how even idealized love is often bound by tradition, not just emotion.

💑 Real-Life Indian Love Stories that Inspire

1. Sunil Dutt and Nargis – Love Rooted in Crisis: The love between actor Sunil Dutt and actress Nargis blossomed after Dutt saved her from a fire on set. He stood by her during her battle with cancer. Their marriage lasted decades, and Sunil Dutt was known to write her love letters even after her passing. True love is nurtured through trials—not born of glamour but tested in crisis.

2. Sudha Murthy and Narayana Murthy – Partnership of Equals: Sudha Murthy supported Narayana Murthy financially and emotionally in his early days of building Infosys. They maintained mutual respect and intellectual companionship, with Sudha never seeking limelight. True love is quiet, resilient, and rooted in shared values and sacrifice, not grand gestures.

3. Bhanwari Devi and Mohanlal – Defying Social Norms: Bhanwari Devi, a Dalit social activist, and Mohanlal, an upper-caste man, married in defiance of strict caste barriers. They faced threats and alienation but continued to advocate for social reform. What it teaches: True love challenges societal injustice and requires courage—not just affection.

4. Harish and Vinu – LGBTQ Love in Kerala: In 2020, Harish and Vinu, a gay couple from Kerala, made headlines when they became one of India’s first same-sex couples to celebrate a traditional wedding-style commitment ceremony, even though same-sex marriage remains unrecognized. For them it seems Love is authentic self-expression and acceptance—true love defies legal or cultural limitations.

 Reflections: Are These Outliers or Inspirations?

While films often dramatize love and real stories may seem exceptional, they highlight a common thread: true love is a journey, not a destination. It may be rare, but it’s not impossible. It takes more than emotion—it takes endurance, empathy, equality, and ethics.

 Modern Lessons from Indian Contexts

• Love must co-exist with social justice: Caste, gender, and class continue to challenge the possibility of “free” love in India. True love is not just personal—it’s political.
• Emotional literacy is essential: In an era where relationships are fast and disposable, films like Dear Zindagi remind us that healing ourselves is essential to love others.
• Love evolves: Long-term love may not have the sparkle of first romance but has deeper roots. Films like Piku and Kapoor & Sons show familial love and unresolved affection as equally valuable.
• Unconventional love deserves recognition: Whether it’s LGBTQ couples or older couples finding companionship (Cheeni Kum, Badhaai Do), true love today looks different—and more inclusive—than past generations imagined.

A Reimagined True Love for a Changing India

India is a land of contradictions—tradition and modernity, patriarchy and progressiveness, arranged marriage and dating apps. Within this mosaic, the myth of true love persists, but it is being rewritten every day by those who choose empathy over ego, partnership over patriarchy, and growth over grandiosity.

True love is not the denial of hardship, but its transcendence. Not the absence of difference, but its respect. It is not myth. It is miracle—and like all miracles, it demands faith, effort, and courage.

In India today, true love is not what you find. It’s what you build.